Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 21-24 January 1880
Title
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 21-24 January 1880
Title
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 21-24 January 1880
Sender
Edith Simcox
Recipient
U
Date(s)
- 1880-01-21–<br /> 1880-01-24
Place
London
Letter Content
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 21-24 January 1880
MS: Bodleian.
Wednesday 21 January 1880
I did go on the Friday (16th) with the pretext that Mme Bodichon would like to have the latest news of her. Somehow I was stupid and bothered her, I think with long silences; and then made things worse by raising the to her painful question -- would she reprint any of his Articles? She was able to a certain extent to discuss the question freely -- that his early papers had an historical interest from the precocious justness of his appreciations, but still they were so different from his later writings, the best of him was in these -- anyway she could do nothing now; she had no word or hint from him to guide her, and then in a tone of distress, she must judge for herself. I must not speak to her again about it. She said too that I was speaking for myself only, not thinking of the general public, and it was hard for me to explain that it was just for the more careless readers who will not approach his Problems that I thought miscellanies might form an attractive introduction. Her strongest feeling was, I think, dislike for a publication that she did not herself desire and which was only likely, in her apprehension, to elicit "something nasty in the Athenaeum." I was painfully affected by an impression of half-formed gestures, deprecating a near approach, and yet how can I have anything but sympathy for much stronger repulsion or irritability than she ever allows herself to feel or show?
Saturday 24 January 1880
I did write and shall call the end of next week. The foolish feeling will have worn off by then, and with it the longing to bother her with foolish talk. My poor darling! it is strange that since she said that I have often had to check myself on the verge of the forbidden address -- I hardly knew how natural and dear the name had become. I liked to hear and speak of her at Scalands. "Barbara" sympathised with what I said of the delight of not having to make allowances for her; said Charles had been good to her but he couldn't understand; agreed with my half-spoken regret that no one could be any comfort to her -- she asked if Mrs. Congreve was or Johnny Cross. Tennyson, and Johnny and some one else came to the Heights while she was there. 529 She herself spoke of a neighbour having introduced Kate Greenaway. It is only by thinking of her lot that I compel myself not to say -- I cannot bear the distance -- . Mme Bodichon told me how she said to "Marian" in the earlier days "I do not like Mr. Lewes" and was answered "You do not know him": but, she went on to me, he was not then as we knew him later, her influence, all agree, improved his character, though she must have seen in advance all that was to be -- and was her justification. . . . The only thing that makes me doubt if it would have been good for me to know her sooner is the doubt whether she would still have given the same advice -- for it is barely conceivable that had I loved her at 20 and been referred by her to other possibilities of love it is barely conceivable that I might have accomplished an unhappy marriage. She would ask, why not a happy one, to which the answer is that it is not given to me to inspire the true ideal passion in anyone for whom I can feel it.
MS: Bodleian.
Wednesday 21 January 1880
I did go on the Friday (16th) with the pretext that Mme Bodichon would like to have the latest news of her. Somehow I was stupid and bothered her, I think with long silences; and then made things worse by raising the to her painful question -- would she reprint any of his Articles? She was able to a certain extent to discuss the question freely -- that his early papers had an historical interest from the precocious justness of his appreciations, but still they were so different from his later writings, the best of him was in these -- anyway she could do nothing now; she had no word or hint from him to guide her, and then in a tone of distress, she must judge for herself. I must not speak to her again about it. She said too that I was speaking for myself only, not thinking of the general public, and it was hard for me to explain that it was just for the more careless readers who will not approach his Problems that I thought miscellanies might form an attractive introduction. Her strongest feeling was, I think, dislike for a publication that she did not herself desire and which was only likely, in her apprehension, to elicit "something nasty in the Athenaeum." I was painfully affected by an impression of half-formed gestures, deprecating a near approach, and yet how can I have anything but sympathy for much stronger repulsion or irritability than she ever allows herself to feel or show?
Saturday 24 January 1880
I did write and shall call the end of next week. The foolish feeling will have worn off by then, and with it the longing to bother her with foolish talk. My poor darling! it is strange that since she said that I have often had to check myself on the verge of the forbidden address -- I hardly knew how natural and dear the name had become. I liked to hear and speak of her at Scalands. "Barbara" sympathised with what I said of the delight of not having to make allowances for her; said Charles had been good to her but he couldn't understand; agreed with my half-spoken regret that no one could be any comfort to her -- she asked if Mrs. Congreve was or Johnny Cross. Tennyson, and Johnny and some one else came to the Heights while she was there. 529 She herself spoke of a neighbour having introduced Kate Greenaway. It is only by thinking of her lot that I compel myself not to say -- I cannot bear the distance -- . Mme Bodichon told me how she said to "Marian" in the earlier days "I do not like Mr. Lewes" and was answered "You do not know him": but, she went on to me, he was not then as we knew him later, her influence, all agree, improved his character, though she must have seen in advance all that was to be -- and was her justification. . . . The only thing that makes me doubt if it would have been good for me to know her sooner is the doubt whether she would still have given the same advice -- for it is barely conceivable that had I loved her at 20 and been referred by her to other possibilities of love it is barely conceivable that I might have accomplished an unhappy marriage. She would ask, why not a happy one, to which the answer is that it is not given to me to inspire the true ideal passion in anyone for whom I can feel it.
Citation
Edith Simcox, Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 21-24 January 1880, Complete George Eliot Letters(2026), George Eliot Archive, edited by Beverley Park Rilett. https://GeorgeEliotArchive.org, Accessed September 7, 2026. https://georgeeliotarchive.org/items/show/91786