Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 29 May -- 5 June 1880
Title
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 29 May -- 5 June 1880
Title
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 29 May -- 5 June 1880
Sender
Edith Simcox
Recipient
U
Date(s)
- 1880-05-29–<br /> 1880-06-05
Place
London
Letter Content
Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 29 May -- 5 June 1880
MS: Bodleian.
Tuesday 29 May 1880
Yesterday came in -- with my mind full of her -- to find a dear letter from Milan. I had said nothing unwelcome, she was well and grateful -- to me and others: there is something very touching in the way in which her lovingness disarms the pride that would resent external judgments.
Saturday 5 June 1880
. . . Am a little anxious about "Vignettes" lest I should anywhere let slip what might be too plain a confession to her, if she saw it: but I suppose there is little danger. The one I call "At Anchor" is pure reminiscence -- of the Solent from the Needles the summer after "Natural Law" came out, but I don't think she will guess this. 554 Augustus thinks there is great
"force and distinction" about the bits he has seen, but feels them to be queer and does not know what people will make of them. A fair criticism is that the intense and vivid feeling is all apropos of something off the general track. . . . Have been reading her early letters through on end and I seem to see daylight now. What seemed to me a hard inconsistency -- perhaps I might tell her so some day -- was that she began by telling me to let feeling have its way and trust myself to love. I did love her -- who could help it? and then once again I struggled with my covetousness and tried to be reasonable, but there was a heartache left for me to struggle with, and it was more than I could bear that while I was trying to do without what I wanted most, she should be always ready to congratulate me on getting what I didn't want or to scold me for not wanting something else that I could get as little as what I wanted. I think this was the key to all that happened till her stern letter. 555 Then I was thrown back upon myself. I might neither live with her nor without her, so I held my life in suspense -- it was a period of suicide. Then came her eloquent silence about the book -- and I have never wished passionately for anything for myself since.
MS: Bodleian.
Tuesday 29 May 1880
Yesterday came in -- with my mind full of her -- to find a dear letter from Milan. I had said nothing unwelcome, she was well and grateful -- to me and others: there is something very touching in the way in which her lovingness disarms the pride that would resent external judgments.
Saturday 5 June 1880
. . . Am a little anxious about "Vignettes" lest I should anywhere let slip what might be too plain a confession to her, if she saw it: but I suppose there is little danger. The one I call "At Anchor" is pure reminiscence -- of the Solent from the Needles the summer after "Natural Law" came out, but I don't think she will guess this. 554 Augustus thinks there is great
"force and distinction" about the bits he has seen, but feels them to be queer and does not know what people will make of them. A fair criticism is that the intense and vivid feeling is all apropos of something off the general track. . . . Have been reading her early letters through on end and I seem to see daylight now. What seemed to me a hard inconsistency -- perhaps I might tell her so some day -- was that she began by telling me to let feeling have its way and trust myself to love. I did love her -- who could help it? and then once again I struggled with my covetousness and tried to be reasonable, but there was a heartache left for me to struggle with, and it was more than I could bear that while I was trying to do without what I wanted most, she should be always ready to congratulate me on getting what I didn't want or to scold me for not wanting something else that I could get as little as what I wanted. I think this was the key to all that happened till her stern letter. 555 Then I was thrown back upon myself. I might neither live with her nor without her, so I held my life in suspense -- it was a period of suicide. Then came her eloquent silence about the book -- and I have never wished passionately for anything for myself since.
Citation
Edith Simcox, Edith Simcox, Autobiography, 29 May -- 5 June 1880, Complete George Eliot Letters(2026), George Eliot Archive, edited by Beverley Park Rilett. https://GeorgeEliotArchive.org, Accessed September 7, 2026. https://georgeeliotarchive.org/items/show/91803