GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 1 April 1879
Title
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 1 April 1879
Title
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 1 April 1879
Sender
George Eliot
Recipient
Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray
Date(s)
- 1879-04-01
Place
London
Letter Content
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 1 April 1879
MS: Coventry and Warwickshire Collection, Coventry Public Libraries. Hitherto unpublished.
The Priory | April 1. 79.
My dear Cara
I have told Charles that I would myself answer your kind letter to him. For a long while I have been saying to myself that I would write to you, but I have shrunk from writing about myself needlessly though I have for the last month and more been answering all business letters.
I happen to have a headache today, but I have been generally better of late. I take the air every day and have no great bodily evil to complain of -- only a certain slowness and ineffectiveness of mind which may perhaps be counted as the worst form of bodily languor. The sorrow can't grow less -- the sense of the happiness that was, and the distaste for life that is and will be. I cannot yet resign myself to the cutting short of that happiness for him. He enjoyed it so intensely -- And we have had everything we wanted. I can bear my own privation, but I cannot yet bear submissively that he had not a few more years of joy. That was my first feeling and it is still the strongest. But we had 24 years of constantly growing love, and I have this comfort -- the belief that he never knew he was dying -- never felt that we were parting. But it is better not to write of these things.
I am so sorry that the winter has left sad effects on Mr. Bray's health, and that Sara felt its severity unintermittingly. It has been a dreadful time for all delicate frames. You say nothing of your own health, but I suspect that you have shared in the suffering physically as well as morally.
I want to tell you -- because perhaps it may allay some little anxiety in Mr. Bray, supposing there is any uncertainty about your other sources of income, that you will have by my Will £100 a year for your life. You once laughed at the idea that you should outlive me. That is not so unlikely. But at any rate, while I am here, think of me as a living Will, to provide for any want that you may feel. How is the letting of the Sydenham house going on?
I see no visitors yet -- only some gentlemen who are helping me in a matter of business which is near my heart. 208 I am going to found a Studentship of Physiology to be called by his name.
Our Bertie's widow, with her two children, is on her way to England, frightened out of Durban by the results of that wicked war. 209 I have plenty to think of, have I not? But my friends are so good and helpful that I am carried through everything. Love to all from your otherwise sadly changed
Marian.
MS: Coventry and Warwickshire Collection, Coventry Public Libraries. Hitherto unpublished.
The Priory | April 1. 79.
My dear Cara
I have told Charles that I would myself answer your kind letter to him. For a long while I have been saying to myself that I would write to you, but I have shrunk from writing about myself needlessly though I have for the last month and more been answering all business letters.
I happen to have a headache today, but I have been generally better of late. I take the air every day and have no great bodily evil to complain of -- only a certain slowness and ineffectiveness of mind which may perhaps be counted as the worst form of bodily languor. The sorrow can't grow less -- the sense of the happiness that was, and the distaste for life that is and will be. I cannot yet resign myself to the cutting short of that happiness for him. He enjoyed it so intensely -- And we have had everything we wanted. I can bear my own privation, but I cannot yet bear submissively that he had not a few more years of joy. That was my first feeling and it is still the strongest. But we had 24 years of constantly growing love, and I have this comfort -- the belief that he never knew he was dying -- never felt that we were parting. But it is better not to write of these things.
I am so sorry that the winter has left sad effects on Mr. Bray's health, and that Sara felt its severity unintermittingly. It has been a dreadful time for all delicate frames. You say nothing of your own health, but I suspect that you have shared in the suffering physically as well as morally.
I want to tell you -- because perhaps it may allay some little anxiety in Mr. Bray, supposing there is any uncertainty about your other sources of income, that you will have by my Will £100 a year for your life. You once laughed at the idea that you should outlive me. That is not so unlikely. But at any rate, while I am here, think of me as a living Will, to provide for any want that you may feel. How is the letting of the Sydenham house going on?
I see no visitors yet -- only some gentlemen who are helping me in a matter of business which is near my heart. 208 I am going to found a Studentship of Physiology to be called by his name.
Our Bertie's widow, with her two children, is on her way to England, frightened out of Durban by the results of that wicked war. 209 I have plenty to think of, have I not? But my friends are so good and helpful that I am carried through everything. Love to all from your otherwise sadly changed
Marian.
Signature
Marian.
Citation
George Eliot, GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 1 April 1879, Complete George Eliot Letters(2026), George Eliot Archive, edited by Beverley Park Rilett. https://GeorgeEliotArchive.org, Accessed September 7, 2026. https://georgeeliotarchive.org/items/show/93261