GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 18 March 1865
Title
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 18 March 1865
Title
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 18 March 1865
Sender
George Eliot
Recipient
Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray
Date(s)
- 1865-03-18
Place
London
Letter Content
GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 18 March 1865
MS: Yale. Endorsed: 1865. Extracts published: Cross, II, 400-401.
The Priory, | 21. North Bank, | Regents Park.
March 18. 65.
My dear Cara
You see I have let the weeks go by -- thinking of you, but not writing to you. I believe you are one of the few who can understand that in certain crises, direct expression of sympathy is the least possible to those who most feel sympathy. If I could have been with you in bodily presence, I should have sat silent, thinking silence a sign of feeling that speech, trying to be wise, must always spoil. The truest things one can say about great death are the oldest simplest things that everybody knows by rote, but that no one knows really till death has come very close. And when that inward teaching is going on, it seems pitiful presumption for those who are outside to be saying anything. There is no such thing as consolation, when we have made the lot of another our own as you did Nelly's. The anguish must be borne -- it will only get more and more bearable as other thoughts and feelings recover some power.
I don't know whether you strongly share, as I do, the old belief that made men say the gods loved those who died young. It seems to me truer than ever, now life has become more complex and more and more difficult problems have to be worked out. Life, though a good to men on the whole, is a doubtful good to many, and to some not a good at all. To my thought, it is a source of constant mental distortion to make the denial of this a part of religion, to go on pretending things are better than they are -- like talking of "your Majesty's happy reign" to a successful monarch whose reign has been one of blood and fire to half a population, who happen to be at a distance and out of sight. So to me, early death takes the aspect of salvation -- though I feel too that those who live and suffer may sometimes have the greater blessedness of being a salvation.
But I will not write of judgments and opinions. What I want my letter to tell you is that I love you truly, gratefully, unchangeably. And to show me you believe it, you must not write till you feel inclined -- not think I shall mind if you don't answer this at all, for indeed there is nothing to answer.
Sara spent an hour or two with us. She struck me as looking remarkably well in health, but with less ability than usual to receive impressions. I mean, that she seemed nervously absorbed, and dim of apprehension for everything outside her. I hope this stay at the coast will be a renovation for her.
It has been a grief to me to read in the parliamentary debates, the statement of Coventry distress, and the absence of any strong hope as to the revival of trade there. 324 I wish I had had some clothes to send, as Mr. Bray desired; but I really get rapidly fleeced of spare wool. The few things I could have parted with were rather for those who required to look "respectable."
With love to him, always, dear Cara, your old
Marian.
MS: Yale. Endorsed: 1865. Extracts published: Cross, II, 400-401.
The Priory, | 21. North Bank, | Regents Park.
March 18. 65.
My dear Cara
You see I have let the weeks go by -- thinking of you, but not writing to you. I believe you are one of the few who can understand that in certain crises, direct expression of sympathy is the least possible to those who most feel sympathy. If I could have been with you in bodily presence, I should have sat silent, thinking silence a sign of feeling that speech, trying to be wise, must always spoil. The truest things one can say about great death are the oldest simplest things that everybody knows by rote, but that no one knows really till death has come very close. And when that inward teaching is going on, it seems pitiful presumption for those who are outside to be saying anything. There is no such thing as consolation, when we have made the lot of another our own as you did Nelly's. The anguish must be borne -- it will only get more and more bearable as other thoughts and feelings recover some power.
I don't know whether you strongly share, as I do, the old belief that made men say the gods loved those who died young. It seems to me truer than ever, now life has become more complex and more and more difficult problems have to be worked out. Life, though a good to men on the whole, is a doubtful good to many, and to some not a good at all. To my thought, it is a source of constant mental distortion to make the denial of this a part of religion, to go on pretending things are better than they are -- like talking of "your Majesty's happy reign" to a successful monarch whose reign has been one of blood and fire to half a population, who happen to be at a distance and out of sight. So to me, early death takes the aspect of salvation -- though I feel too that those who live and suffer may sometimes have the greater blessedness of being a salvation.
But I will not write of judgments and opinions. What I want my letter to tell you is that I love you truly, gratefully, unchangeably. And to show me you believe it, you must not write till you feel inclined -- not think I shall mind if you don't answer this at all, for indeed there is nothing to answer.
Sara spent an hour or two with us. She struck me as looking remarkably well in health, but with less ability than usual to receive impressions. I mean, that she seemed nervously absorbed, and dim of apprehension for everything outside her. I hope this stay at the coast will be a renovation for her.
It has been a grief to me to read in the parliamentary debates, the statement of Coventry distress, and the absence of any strong hope as to the revival of trade there. 324 I wish I had had some clothes to send, as Mr. Bray desired; but I really get rapidly fleeced of spare wool. The few things I could have parted with were rather for those who required to look "respectable."
With love to him, always, dear Cara, your old
Marian.
Signature
Marian.
Citation
George Eliot, GE to Caroline [Mrs. Charles] Bray, London, 18 March 1865, Complete George Eliot Letters(2026), George Eliot Archive, edited by Beverley Park Rilett. https://GeorgeEliotArchive.org, Accessed September 7, 2026. https://georgeeliotarchive.org/items/show/93276